@#@&@&@^@)@^#@*(((&#@(((()(*(*@&*@##*&&^$*&@&^

fuck, shit,damn, crap,shitshitdamn,crap,skank,whore,btch,DAMN IT!!!!

i'm a fucking idiot, yup the biggest shithead there is....

cause some big shithad right here......(me) just sent a pic of herself in this super awesome, and ttly sexy backless dress, to.........

no, not her awesome friends....
nope she was a dumb ass, and sent it to this cockhead kid who she can't stand, but finds kinda cute, in this I"M A RETARD kinda way....


yeah, this blogging shit-headed, dumb ass, just fucked up big time.....

Someone pleze fucking shoot me... before i die of stupidity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sleepless nights, and horrors

Sp many of you know about my recent dreams, but you haven't heard the most recents ones. I'm kinda scared, because whati've been dreaming could happen so easily, and i think thats what's so scary. I also think that its a lil scary i've been dreaming about HIM so much, I hate him..... RIGHT?? so whyam i ahveing these dreams, nd why does every name i think of start with an A. He's the devils child, so am i subconsiously flling for the person i hate the most, am i unknowingly expirenceing feelings for satan?! God i hate being a tennaged girl sometimes.

I've been trying not to sleep. I 'm horrified at what my brain will come up with to toture me with next. I wake in cold sweat every night, i sleep all night long but wake up feeling eghausted. I wake up at 11:00 or 1 am everynight, my knuckles and hands throbbing from grabbing my pillow so tight. I even fear going to school sometimes, wordering if maybe, just maybe, what idream will happen. I know it seems dumb, just a stupid dream. But the reality of those dreams is so intense, sometimes i think they really are happening, and that it not a dream.
I wish i had someone to help me, i can't talk to my mom, she'd wither freak out, or tell me they're just dreams. Iw ant to tell my friends, but, i can't. That maternal instinct in me doesn't want them to have to share my grief, and anger, and fear, and pain.

Just like i want to tell them my secrete, but i can't.
I wish, i had more nights where i could just be carefreee, and crawl into bed dreaming of shugar plums, and faries, but i cna't.

I put off going to sleep by reding, and stay awake only until i'm forced to shut my eyes, i even sleep with a light on sometimes, so when i wake up, drenched in sweat, and thrashing, i'm not alone in the dark.
Evne my dog knows whats going on, and will often times abandon my bed at night, only to come over and attempt to comfort me when i wake up crying.

Why is this happening?
An i over worked..... stressed?...... tired?..... hungary?...... afraid?..... guilty?..... what!!!

God, i know i'm not a very firm believer of you, but please, take these retched dreams away!!!!
i don't understand.

are the a warning, of what could happen? or a stup[id joke played on me to test something stupid like my endurence, or tolerence!!!

all i need are answers, why do these haunt my dreams, why am i so concerned about everyone, y don't i know one of my best friends any more, why do i feel usless this christmas, y is something i used to love, bringing so much anger, frustration, and pain, and why oh why, do i no longer want to speak my mind like have so many times before?

if you have any answers, please ...... help me escape this torture callled night time, called sleep.