my intake on love

so, i am not the mushy gushy kinda teenage girland i thinks thats because i grew up around guys.. i mean the highlight of my summer is going to be being able to get the engine on our restored formula 440.

when asked what i think about love i don't know how to respond. i've had lotss of boyfriends enough to call me a skank..... but none of them have really ment anything, i guess when i went out witha long time friend in 6th grae i thought i was in love, but it was false, idk some ppl says theres the perfect someone for everyone, and that they'll find them someday. do i really believe that??
no.
i do believe that theres someone prfect for everyone but i don't believe that they'll always be found, i mean i can hardly watch romance movies now, i get choked up and not because the movie is sad but because i wonder if i'll ever be loved. will i??

i see girls walking down school hallways holding hands with a guy looking so happy, and i wonder if i'll ever do that, will i ever get maried? will i ever have kids?? wil i ever be happy???

i wonder ... did god forget me when he made everyones perfect match??
i feel like he did, or sometimes i think he made my perfect match to old, or to young,
then i feel completely left out, you can tell when ppl are truly happy, idk y but i can read ppl, tell when there lying or when their truly happy, but when i look into the mirror all i see is emptyness, in my face and in my eyes, its like part of me is missing. i want to be happy.........i want to love someone and be loved, i want to live in a happy romance novel, i want unwantable things, i probably sound like anyother blubbering teenage girl, but its more than emothion, i feel .. missing, like the world is moveing around me while i'm standing still.... my friends are finding ppl, deciding wjo they like, but me??? i'm trapped in an invisable barrier, thoughtless, like everyday is a movie or play where i ahve to act to be myself, becasue if i didn't act, i'd be gone, vanished into thin air......... it hurts....everything.. seeing ym two friends hapy together, and i'm happy, but when i think about it i can't help but feel and emptyness inside...... it like



i was born without the ability to love.

my blog is probably going to be shorter than this title

no more writers block !yay!!

soo.. weird ass people.. weirsd ass friends, a weird ass life... but i envy myself for it!

soo i know it make s no sense, but i envy meself for my life, and anyone that isn't me i feel slightly sorry for...

ok so now the sppyness is over....

i made a book cover my book, its not as kool as harpers but, it is pretty awesome, i'm proud of myself for trying to overcome my word inaptness....... i know how to use it but.. we got the newest version.. and its completely different than the old onee.

so, school is getting old i cannot wait for vaca in outer bankx, its gonna be awesome, i'm gonna take my laptop and blog all teh time while i'm dwn there.. so all my friends will know whats going on!
so, ya, i still kinda have writers block but i know when it breaks its gonna be amazing!!, i just hope its soon!

and yes, if u have read my blogs u will notice i use lots of ? and wayyy lots of !, i do this because i believe that life is wayy to good for just a freaking plain old PERIOD!!!(haha!)
so call me weird for thinking of the world but no one cares about u and acording to adrian!

" GOD HATES YOU!!!!!"

i'm sorry about him..

but what ever

peace for now...

steve,

btw study hall tommorow!! maube post then, maybe not.......... proly and hopefuly writing in my book< pleze let the block break

for you......for me.. for everyone around us........

gah i can't wait for vaca in outer banks NC!!, its gonna be awesome.. wee renting a house on the beach with four other families... amazing...

first i'll got hrough the kids... the oldest is
morgan(my family)( andews girl friend)
tracy k (my family)(steves girlfriend)
andrew(brother)
brittany bakal
brittanys bf christian.... whos as white as a ghost
shawn vavra( my cuzin)
steve( brother)
josh G( because i don't no how to spell his last name)( good family friend)
brad bakal( pretty awesome kid) ( brittanys brother)
jamie vavra(cuz) (shawns brother)
cody G(amazing guy)(joshs brother)(family friend)
lindsey bakal( best wine night friend) ( brittanys and brads sister)(family friend)
and last and least me lizz lindsay the hottest most unique version of me you'll ever see..

so theres the kids saying in the house and by kids i do not mean under 20, morg(morgan) andrew christian, and brittany, are all over 20... but u get my drift.. at tis house there is expected to be alot of good times on the beach, in the pool, in the hot tub, and at the dinner table, plus the house is right on the beach.. yay!

tha alleged adults are mr and mrs Bakal( good family friends)
mr and mrs G( good family friends)
mr and mrs vavra(aunt and uncle)
and mr and mrs lindsay(parents)



so 99.9 % of the kids on this trip are bring ther girl and boy friends, me brad lindsey and cody are not me brad and lindsey are single. but cody ... stupid cody nad his stupid girlfriend bickey, briden... no ait its becky.... oops. uh what kinda of name is becky any way.. it the anme of my aunts brain missing dog, thgat can't function....


any way, soo annot wait till schools.. hopefully some people will gro up over the summer....maybe find something better to do with their lives than hang on every single thread of drama they can find.....

yes i'm talking about u.... oyu doing it again.. ur playing the whatever.. i don't believe you card because u thnk your innocent!!!!! ya no i was rying t be truthful, to tell you how other ppl have seen u acting and u resppnd with a half ass i dont care comment about how innocent you are!, u no, i was open to, chang, in both of us, but i'm not nay more because of you comment... idk meybe next yr i'll be ready to try and trust u enough but forget it for this yr you've blown your chances..........so

ya know what, go ahead and say i'm a bitch, a skank a slut, that is a jerk to you... but ya know what i was only trying to tell u how u've been acting,so i'm sorry if u see it as a bashing toward you( which you proly will) but if you take the time to think it over i think you'll realize that i'm parshally if not all right.... i'm not trying to be mean, im trying to help, and if it means loseing your frined ship i'm up to it.... so yeah were aquantiances, but friends??i can't tell.. not for this year at least

uuuggghhhh

so, i've been struggaling to sort things out.... my book has hit aroad block, i know what i wna to write but i don't know how to write it with out it being corny.

so, i';m in love witht he charater in my book darius, he's wayy hott and wayy niccce, call me crazy for fallin in love woth afictional charater

dso... i don't ahve a lot to write.. i start mentoring soon i ahvea class of 15 kids, all "troubled" in some way or another.. i am not allowed to disclose who they are, i ahve both voys and girls, i'm excited.. i really hope i can do this, my friends tori has a tough class, but i ahve kids in mine that have other problems. like emotional

well nothing to write


peace....leeroy jenkins

paint, prom night writing a book trying to stay alive, and alleged drama

os, i haven't been blogging well because i'm writing a book... i know it sounds weird and alot of you that read this are gonna be like, ha a teenageer writhing a book, i doubt it, and i don't really care becasue # 1 its unn, # 2 me and my bff harper are writing them together, and #3 it's never gonna be publisheed becasue we took the idea froma video game, that were addicted with and we do not have copywrite licenses. so oh well, this is more ot less for us and our friends. well, to night is Cowtowns prom, and i must say its going to be interesting, its being held in someplace way far away from here so there having a small reception at the school for parents and other people so they don't have to drive all the way up there to see the kids.

my mom is getting ready to paint her bedroom, were going to paint it yellow,to go with ther carpect. i think its going to look nice.


so i had a dr appoint ment the other day and she told me the meds that are supposed to help arn't working, so i'm taking a higher dose to see if they work this time, and she says if this doesn't work its the turing point, that after this i don't have a chance of overcomeing this. i'm really not afraid, i know it'll be my day when it's my day. you can't fihgt it, because if you do, you'll miss out on the things you should ahve savored


so, this is to u......
ur nt a bitch, i was talking about a different friend, one that admitts she's a bitch.. its a joke we have, and truth is .. its not phase, i'm your friends yes, but i can't be your best friend any more, you've broken my trust to many times, and you know damn well what i'm talking about, plus, you always think, things are about u, u thought i was calling you a bitch, you always thiink ppl are talking about you, you take every comment to personal. so yeah, maybe you've become a bbetter frined cause you have, kinda, and i don't expect you to be perfect but hteres more to being a bff then being non dramatic.... and non skanky, there are other things, like learning when to put someone or sothing aside to save your friends ship wether it be a guy or a pair of shoes, if our friend ship really was that importana to you, you would have thought about me, back then, and becasue u didn't... i can only be your friend now, not your bff.and if you believe i worte this to bash you, believe hwat you want, i shouldn't have to defend myself, because everything i said is true, and i believe you know that.

chewing ppl out for friends is funn...

so yes this idot jerk in my school districe was calling one of my awesome frinds.. emily.. a whore, so pretty much got his SN and used a whole bunch of big vocab. to yell and battle agnst him.. and although he was like u win.. i'm like i doin't thinks so, and counter played his manuvers.. i hope this makes her feel better, i didn't use his or her name, so, i dont doubt he will continue saying crap about her, but hey now i have his SN and can bitch to him anytime i want!


btw.. i ended up useing the phrase shitting monkey, when bitching to him!! it was kinda fun and i don't think i did any permanent damage! ......................................







maybe?




peace......., steve

my bestist frineds in the entire world!!

well i'm about to tell who my 2 best friends are... there r these 2 guys that i cna count on for anything... there names r.............................................

ben

and

jerry!!

anyflavor anythime i love them!!, i can confide in them no matter what, and they hold all my deepest darkest secerates!! along with most of my dorkyness,
so yes.. my frined andy jumped/fell into a bush and got a stick in his arm and yeah they had to take it out and he now ahd nine stitches in his arm!! i dwn loasd the pic later..

so i guess the stickwas way close to an atery and he almost died...
i've been thinking about that alot...... and u know what i don't think i'm scared to die anymore, i mean if i died today i don't think i'd have any regrets... mybe not haveing a first kiss yet, but, i don't think that counts.
i guess i'm ahppy wihtt he way i've lived muy life so far, sure i would've like to graduate, and get married have a family, but i'm not going to fear death because, of those things, and i believe i'll know when the time has coem, i believe that who ever is running my life( god or little aliens in my head) will let me know before its time, so i'll have time to say good bye.

through this ordeal, i've learned somehting... i've learned who i want to be...

not the girl i am but the girl i really am on the inside,buti've hidden her to be accepted, not any more, slowly but surely i will become the girl i've always wanted to be, the kindof emo, independent, goofy, funyy lovable lizz, that is herself, i guess it doesn't really have a title, or a lable, its just............................................

me.

mi fell funyy about this whole thing, i keep thinking i should tell my friends about this thing, but i know i can't i trust them i really do, but i can't let them in like that.... i really can't, part of me, is uncofertable wiht that and part of me, just puts up a warning, i just don't want things to get weird, i know if i tell someone it will, and then if something should happpen.... i would leave it a staged world where everyone was acting to make me feel better.... not really being themelves. and that wouldn't be fair... to me, or them....


i guess i've got a lot to think about wiht my bff ben and jerry..

peace


, steve

i'm a dork!!!!!!!! and i'm lovin it!

so today is saturay and i offically realized i'm a dork, wanna know how..... well i sat ont he computer for about half of the day watching starwars movies on utube!!! yeha i 'm a dork, who CARES!!!!??? soo not me i already knew i was a dork when i decided to hang out in a garage with a bunch of tttyl unattractive guys and play DnD insted of go shopping with some friends. and i spend my free time on weekends and weeknights playing world of war craft... how geeky can i get??? well it gets pretty abd whne ur argueing with andrew durand about luke skywalkers hair color!!!ye si am a geek and yes i ama dork, but everyones a lil dorky even if they don't want to admit it!!! i happen to be very ccomfortable with my geeky and dorkyness. yesh, not to much exciting stuff going on....... horse show tomorow, gonna be gone all day, ummmmmm, ohh got sent and awesome vid. on my u tube page.... funny funny, check it oput at http://www.youtube.com/user/lizzy2277 its the dragonite energy drink favorite. its funny.


gonna proly blog later, onnors not talking to me, oh well, what can i do.

peace=))

so i'm good for now, lunch was an expirence today......... yeah i have some pretty wacky frineds, so idk i'm thinkin bout getting a second piercing in my ear, but at the top??? idk i wonder if it would look good

hmm not much to report, i broke up wiht connorhmmmm,
yeah not gonna tlak about that

ss test tommorow and science test, english paper due than 2 hr training for my june internship, mentoering younger students, me and my bff tori decided to appply for it tigether, i wonder who my student is going to be, i hope he/she is nice, i really wanna connect wihtt hem and help them, i hope i don't fail. i actuly kinda hope i get a girl cause i think i might better connect with a girl but if i get a boy, i don't mind either. i really hope i don't like a get a dirt bad, kid u know one that doesn't care, i kinda want a kid that just struggles, and i hipe my smartness won't intimidate them.??

hmmm

well i'm going to get soft serve right now

poeace

-steve=) 9what i get called by everyone!)

life is suckish right now....

so about a day ago i worte about how awesome my life is... well now it sucks kinda bad, i'm proly gonna break up with my awesome bf, because of my own stupid problems, idk i just can't deal with commitment, iahte being contained, and idk i also don't want to involve him in my other problems. he so awesome and the last thing i want to do is hurt him, bu i think its for the best he totally deservers someone better than me, prettier too. maybe his best friend emily, shes pretty,smart, and really really nice!! idk i just want to find some easy way to explane to connor that i'm not the girl for him and i really hope we can still be friends like we were before!!! i'll be really sad if he ends up like hateing me, he really is kool. wekk other than my stupid boy problems, my thing is acting up more now than ever. i guess somebodys gonna figure it out sooner or later but i'll take later for now. everytime i ave to think about it i'm like i can't belive this is happening to me, well i guess the thing to be thankful for in all this is that i'm not dead.... yet?, anyway school is gettin to crunch time, i'm gonna start reading my ss book or else i'm gonna fail my test at the end of the yr, ewwwww, i really hate tests and failing! i just can't remember some ... well maybe a lot of the stuff thats on the test. idk i really want to pass, i also have to start reviewing my spanish, steve my brother took spaniish for 4 yrs so i'm hopeing that after his finals on moday he'll help me study. math i'm not too worried about because of my review classes on monday nights. their a real help. all my other subjects like science don't worry me, i mean ill study but mostly i ahve to worry about ss, math and spanish. english i'm not worried about although i do have to hand in a paper about ww2 on friday.

i guess thats all for now, i'm really tired , i'm gonna wait for connor to get on so i can talk to him tonight, but other than that i'm really looking forward to my bed!

tlkaing about me

soo i'm the kinda girl who likes to take things slow, not go too fast, i don't think rushing is a good idea, i say live each day as it comes and don't worry to much about the future! i don't think its very good to rush unless u have an assignmant due next perios that u really need to get done! lawlz, btw if i ahven't already said it lawlz is my thing and i'll send my killer ferrit after u if u steal it, and don't even bother to ask if u can use it, casue i'm ganna say NO!!!!!!! really loud, the only person who is allowed to use it is harper cause she knows how to use it@!! so anyway, wee done working in the lab for science, so its back to boring old mrs shelp teaching and us taking freaking boring note!!!!!!!! god miss shelp #1 needs to stop being paranoid that everything could hurt us a#2 go back to school and actuly learn the stuff she's teaching so she can actuly axplane it good and #3 stop calling everyong FREAKING KIDDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!, it gets soo annoying ok kiddo! becareful kiddo, where u going kiddo, do go to close to the door, it could fall of its hinges and squish you kiddo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! god it like si'm not a kid!! at least call me by my name

i went to post pics of my dog and ferrit and ended upo babbaling for like half and hour!!!!! lawlz

this is my ferrit sunshine, and just so u know she doesn't really smell like most ferrits do, if u bathe her and clean her cage like i always have to do cause my brother won't, then she doesn't really smelll................................somethimes, and she cute when she sleeps like she is in the picture, and sometimes it looks like she's dead!!!! its so funny then she wakes up when u open her cage and she totally flips out and runs al over and chases ur feet!! itis soo cute.

the pic of the dog above is mine, he's awesome e's always there for me, we have another dog she's a rotweiler, shes nice to family and friends but iof anyone tries to hurt us, all i can say is watch out, but anyone we like she likes!! so as long as ur not so creepy killer or stalker or burgalar then ur fine!!, anyway the little fuzz balls name is spezza like the hockey player jason spezza who plays for the ottowa senetors!!, i wanna get hima lil doggie jersey that says spezza #9 on the back, i'm sure he's thrilled!! haha not!
so i feel off the chair today andonto my butt casue my friend hearper and i were shareing a chair casue our tabel was wayy crowded and u can hardly ever find a spot, so we were shareing a chair and i nudged he and i was on the very edge of the chair and she pushed my back, and i lost my balence cause i was on like no chair and fell off onto the ground wiht everyone laughing at me along wiht myself!!! then harper couldn't get over the fact that i fell, cause i usuly do alot, fall i mean. so yeah, then we were laughing really hard during math becasue we were tlaking about the guy that made up the box and wisker plot things and and i kept thinking that my wisker made them up, I havea crazy mind, AND I WAS BEING EXCEEDINGLY BLODE AFTER SCHOLL TALKING ABOUT HOW I HAD A QUEER SHIRL AND MY COPUTER SCREEN lookinh like it had little feet!! yteah sorry boutt he capps i always end up hitting it and not realizing till i've typed like a ton then u have to erase it all and go backa dn type more, and yess i know i an babbaling on and on about sensless stuff but blofggging is and easy way #1 remember funny things and get #2 get all this mindless senseless stuff outta my head so i won't have to worry about it later, and its aloso a good way to kill time by going on my accoount and changing my name to the name that sounds like a strippers name!! its funn if u watch i could proly gaureentee u my name will change about 2wice to 3times a weeks, and i'kll come up wiht randome naems somethimes they'll mean things sometimes they'll just be senseless words that i tought of..... like bob chicken!! c.. theres my next name!! i guess i should stop for now or else i'll type about nothing forever and ever then u'll be borde otta ur mind!!! hahahahaah for u who i will make read this!!

btw lawlz is my thing that i came up with so i would really not be mad if u didn't use it and if u do i'll just have to sick my ferrit on u!!!

life is good, suprisingly!

wow my life is going pretty good
i ahve an awesome bf, no drama, and well my little problem is under controll, the problem icannot write about becasue no one will ever or really shouldn't find out, it makes it easieer if no one knows, besides its not something i did or something i fell where i would have to get it off my chest, but more like a something, like a secreate that i have to keep to make it easier for eveyone. especially those that care about me, well they'll proly think i need to tell them more, but what eve, not much to rpoet finished my science project i was supposed to be working on but wasn't . umm, not dead yet!, totally happy for once, and taking on day of life at a time.

a4n post later

dishing the names

ok so i have officaly decided to ditcht he code names for ppl cause i keep getting confused, but i will not tell u who is who. so i'm kinda in love with my best friend connor, and sure u can judge me and say he likes other ppl, but as of just recently he liked me too, and i let him go, i just hope its not to late=[[

so, i was in love with another guy friend of mine but io'm letting him, go he';s a way better friend then oproly boy friend,

me and my frined kristen ae trying to teach another one of our "friends" a lesson about letting ppl be happy, it seems that what ever she can't ahve he wants and she'll go to every length to get it , even if its telling ur BF ur cheating on him and that u have proff!

idk i've been a lil bummed lately, i'm just not in my usual mood,

and i've lost all ambition to at least try and look good, i guess its cause i'm going throught some thingsright now, and i jsut need to sort them out

blogging rewally helps and to anyone that reads my blogs and is offened, or upset, or feel i've been insulting, go screw urself!! idon't need crap from u so goo ahead post mean comments or insult me back or call be things i don't give a crap about what u or anyone else thinks, i've always been that way... and i think its good not to care what other ppl think, i just don't see y anyone but ur opinion is worth hearing unless their like ur major friend and u can trust them to be honest, and to tell the truth i only have like 3 friends i can really trust connor(guy whom i'm in love with ) , harper( my best friends tikll the very end) and tori( who always tells em stuff straight and always keeps me happy and laughing). there the only ppl who i can really really trust besides emily( who is totally awesome and amazing).!!!

all 4 now... post later!

movies part 3

OMg iron amn was amazing!!! if ur into totally action pact, good effects with a slight romance kinda movie you'll totally love it, but fi ur into totally dark depressing, unkind hate them but love them kinda movies u'll totally hate it! and if ur going to c it i recomomend u stay until after the credits to see a small clip that is actuly an add for the avengers coming out in 2008. i give the movie two thumnbs up, 5 stars a 10 rateing and a nobel peace prize!!! deffanetly a go see!!

movies2

ok soo right now i'm waiting for my frined exuberant to came so we can drive tot eh movie thetre and meet panda his GF (unnamed for now) bananas, bacon boy bailed on us to hang with his friend mario cart. were going to see the naw opening Ironman!! i cannot wait to see it its supposed to be amazing!! really excite, so exuberant is here, gonna go cause i'm already late!!

movies

i lovve movies have plans right now to go to the movies with exuberant, bananas, baccon boy, harley, and panda,

iron man all the way........... 7 20 as of right now, possibly the 6 30 close captioned movie if panads parentals won't let him out that late( 2 hrs long)

supposed to ba an awesome move!! cannot wai to c it, especially with friends!!

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaspie

hahaha ur proly wondering what the title of the newest blog id about, well its just this thing i say. my friends alll understand it, and well u may not, but oh well for u. so blogging in school again when i'm supposed to be doing resaerch for a project. ooppps, well anyway so bacon boy is totally nice but idk i like him , but i kinda like mandy moore better( not the actress). I have boy problems, although i don't know why because i'm not pretty or anything. i was told the other day by some random chick, that i have a mjildly bohemian,vintage emo style( i do not cut myself!), i guess thats a complament. anyway, i have no idea what i should do about my bitch of a friend( bussiness). she's a flirt, and get everything she wants, i mean sometimes she's nice but other times she's and uber demon! she's fun to hang out with until she becomes fakely obnoxious, and giggily and totally a skank, well shes's like a business!!! and my other friend( exuberant) is totally kool but at the same time totally ditsy.. but way nice and always willing to help. bananas is totally my best friend, and way awesome, she's everyting i want for a friend! all for now bye

crazy kinda in my mind

so, i'm posting from school, i 've been cleared by my docotro to ride, and i'm pretty freaking happy. school is kinda suckish and i'm really board, but otherwise my life isn't going off that bad. yeah so i'm ahveing boy problems and i cvan't make up my mind, but on the plus side, i don't have acne, i don't have or need bracesd, i'm skinny and pretty muscular i do, i do understand the meaning of life... the fact that there isn't one. i don't really know how to handel some of my friends, some of them are totally awesome, and some i cannot STAND!! to be around, i ahve a lot of guy friends, but i totally don't mind. guys friends are awesome, they don't care about lying to m,ake u feel better, if they don't like what ur wearing they tell, u right flat out. although being friends with 14 yr old guys does have its disadvantages like the fact that they sometimes act like monkeys with somehting shoved up there butts! except s few of them of corse. and yess i am well awhere i cannot spell!! all for now

Y me??

recovery sucks, i can't run around with my friends or dogs, i have to leave my classes 5 minutes early, i have to wear this huge brace all the time, i can't my fav. pair of jeans, i can't do all the things i want to, i ave to have dr. visits every 2 weeks, i have physical theripy 3 times a week for and hour and a half, i'm haveing guy trounles, c i like this one guy... a lot, but i like this other guy that likes me, just about as much, but everytime i try and tell him i like him back, i get chicken, and i can't tell anyone than my very best friend because i can't trust them to keep their mouths shut. thats all for now today i fel like crap so i am going to try and figure out my life while hopefully getting at least 2 hours of sleep, dr appointment in the morning, then i have to doa paper during gym, because i can't partisipate( knee surgerly and ACL replacement). yeah i have a suckish life right now, but i'm a good student and i hope a nice person.=[[[